The fun part of moving is going through all the fun stuff I have packed away in my closet. Not only did I discover some half empty sketchbooks with plenty of drawing room, but I also found plenty old pieces I’ve drawn that I am actually proud of! Most of the following are Supernatural related, save for the last one (yay Sherlock!)
It’s been almost three months since I forced myself to no longer live in denial.
Funny thing is – life makes a lot more sense now and I feel like I am finally moving forward.
That doesn’t mean it’s getting easier, actually it gets harder everyday.
But despite the struggle, parts of my life are coming together.
My faith has been strengthened over the last several weeks. My faith isn’t something I talk too much about, but I’ve clung to it even through a rocky history. Daily I see God’s sovereignty in my life and it is encouraging.
My friends have proved daily that family doesn’t end with blood. They are truly godsends and I can’t believe how blessed I am to be surrounded by such positive, uplifting people.
I am getting an apartment and moving out of my parents house again! It’s a big deal for me and one that will ultimately prove to be of great influence.
With the apartment in mind I decided to adopt a kitty, who doesn’t have a name yet and is already spoiled rotten. Expect pictures of her soon.
My art is progressing nicely. More sketchbook editions are on their way.
All together the last couple of months have been an absolute whirlwind.Whirlwinds don’t stop though so I’ll Always Keep Fighting.
I finally mustered up the courage to sit and write this.
I will rewrite it seven and more times before I post – but I think it is time to discuss this openly without being afraid of what others will think.
Two posts ago I made mention of a checkpoint – a turning point in my life. In the two weeks leading up to that post I realized that I could no longer lie to myself or to the beloved friends that I consider family. I knew deep down what was wrong, but I had lived in denial of it for years (and years and years).
The hardest part of all of this has been facing the absolute truth – and trying to find a way to acknowledge that everything I have told myself for the last 10+ years is a lie. The person that I have pretended and tried to force myself to be is not and never will be me.
In a twist of fate that some will find ironic – I am now currently being treated for depression.
It has taken me over ten years to acknowledge that I needed help – and even now my self-talk would encourage me to back down and suck it up. But I didn’t – I scheduled an appointment with a therapist and she then directed me to a psychiatrist who both confirmed what I had thought.
That’s me. ME – Sarah Johnson. I have depression.
It is honestly so hard to believe that I am still processing through it two months later. I probably will keep processing for a long time.
What does this mean?
I’ve been asking myself this over and over. What does this all mean? How do I go forward with this?
First of all – I have so many friends aka family that are being so incredibly helpful and supportive. Words can’t express how grateful I am for them. They’re helping me figure this out the right way. Family does indeed not end with blood.
Second – I’m taking it slow and figuring out how to take care of myself. Admittedly I am not good at it at alllllll but I will figure it out.
Thirdly – I’m working on being completely honest, which I am also not good at. It is far easier for me to lie about how I am actually doing then to have to address this. It is something I have always done – it’s my survival mode and it’s how I carry on. I’ve been doing it for so long that I believed it wholeheartedly. Again – God has given me wonderful sisters who call me out and inspire me to be truthful with them.
It’s a jumbled up mess frankly – and I don’t get it most days and I don’t believe it any of them.
I do hope that this inspires discussion – especially in the Christian community.
I will hopefully keep updates and add my thoughts on this as time goes on. But there is the little peek into my life the past two months.
Happy Wednesday! Laura and I are trick-or-treating at Disneyland tonight, expect pictures and candy =]
While time is limited – I am still working hard at my sketches – slowly but surely trying to get better! Here are some recent samples as well as some work that I did for GisHwhEs this year!
More to come soon – I am working mostly on heads and planes at the moment – but I also intend on creating more finished looking sketches. They’ve been more rough as of late and I want to try to finish a picture.
I’ve reached a real life checkpoint – I’ve saved the progress I’ve made from the past and now I am facing a future with bigger, far uglier boss battles.
I’ve made some admissions to myself, and to those closest to me, in the last two weeks that are slowly going to change my life.
It’s terrifying and completely strange. I haven’t managed to wrap my head around it quite yet – but I’m trying.
It’s moments like these though that confirm God’s sovereignty for me – he’s put the right people in my life for this moment and amazingly even the right fandom. I look back at this past year and see only His hand in this.
On a more chipper note – GishWheS this week!!! Good luck to all participating this year! I was crazy enough to decide to do it – can’t wait to share what went down this year!!
Here’s a peek into the most recent additions of my sketchbook – I’ll try to make this a regular thing as it is nice to look back and see progress!
I actually made good on a promise to myself this summer!
I swore going into June that I would go and see Spy and Jurassic World. Because if I didn’t – I would put it off till I was 90 and regret not seeing either film for years.
So I DID!
Spy was really great, far less slapstick then I had expected, but lots of fun.
Jurassic World was everything I wanted it to be. I got my fill of dinos eating people and plenty of nostalgia.
What surprised me about both of these movies was their ability to take a predictable scenario and revitalize it. No, they didn’t make it unpredictable – but they made the predictable fun to watch and reminded (me at least) of why certain tropes are over used. I wasn’t expecting anything more from Jurassic than a lot of dinos, a lot of CGI, some wisecracks amidst the blood and that’s ok – they delivered just what I wanted without the whole movie feeling pathetic and tired.
Also Melissa McCarthy – I adore her, she’s gorgeous and a force to be reckoned with.
Go see these films – laugh, cry, yell at the screen. You won’t regret it!
I don’t always take pride in what I do….but I do love taking pictures of Disneyland and these past couple weeks I went quite a bit.
Week two of school!
First exam and first essay are due in the next day or so – so obviously I’m on here writing instead of getting that done. I’m learning quite a bit about the history of film. My classes are rekindling my love for the oldies and I have to refrain from going on a Ginger Rogers binge-watch. I also reallllly love talking about film, and I knew that because it’s something I do in my everyday life, but it’s even more apparent on my discussion boards.
That being said… I watched the Brazilian film Central Station for class. Good film – Brazil isn’t a country I think of automatically when I hear foreign film, but I enjoyed it. Next on the list for class is Pan’s Labyrinth because no, I have not seen it yet.
I also watched the first two episodes of Arrested Development – I haven’t decided if I like it yet or not. The first couple of episodes are rough and I want to give it a chance because Jessica Walters! (Archer people – it’s a gift from God)
If I ever catch up on my homework I’ll finish up X Files and American Horror Story: Coven.
There’s a lot going on right now, between work and school.
I started school today.
Yes…it’s online, so it isn’t exactly the same. Yet weirdly it does. All the awkward introductions are there, with the same forced regurgitation of the information we’ve already been fed.
It’s strange to me how, despite being a totally different college with completely different professors, it feels the same.
Now comes the monumental task of making room for all these assignments amongst the rest of my life.
I have to become even more disciplined, even more efficient with my time. Which is a feat – I am not originally an efficient or disciplined person (just take one look at my bedroom). Maybe…